If you think Charles should be King of the Jungle, dial 0800729....

Apart from feeling absolutely dreadful, the modern day curse of being ill has to be daytime television! A quick trawl through the listings simply compounds the effects of the foul virus I’m struggling to fight off. Having optimistically relied on the England cricket team to entertain me, their dismal efforts soon had me searching for alternative fayre.

So it was that I stumbled across ITV’s daytime torture, ‘This Morning’. There’s 10 minutes of my life wasted. Now here’s a company with a less than ideal track record of honesty when it comes to phone in votes, but fair play they don’t allow that to hinder the opportunity to make money as they celebrate (?) the 60th birthday of Charles Windsor. They are running a phone vote to determine whether or not he should be King! I thought that being the first-born son of the current monarch meant that the gig was his upon her death, end of story. Was there a meeting I missed when it was decided that we’d organise it like the ‘X Factor’ or ‘I’m a Z list celebrity, get me out of here’? Perhaps someone could let Debrett’s know that from now on, a phone in vote on ‘This Morning’ will determine the line of succession. The lucky recipient will of course be notified of the result in a phone call from Brand & Ross, telling them where to go and oh... of course with standard network charges applying.

Clearly my illness has a side effect of morphing me into the grumpy old man I always feared I would become with extreme old age. Anyone got a jigsaw I could borrow?


nick